So I have this anonymous commenter that has popped up a couple times now, always on posts that are months old. I deleted the last comment without writing it down but it went a little something like this:
Your a tool. Never right anything like this again.
To which I say, dude, at the very least, could you spell my name correctly? It's over there on the right next to the picture of Hank and at the bottom of EVERY SINGLE POST!
Here's comment number two:
You guys all suck for jumping on the ban wagon shut up i hate him i hate that shut up already have you ever been in the nhl[tougher than it looks]So you dont know what its like GO BUFFALO
I see you decided to skip my name. Too tough, right, with the whole silent A? Well, I applaud you for at least recognizing your limitations although you really don't have much excuse for missing the hard "d" at the end of "band." Also? Brilliant job picking out one of three or four really negative posts I've written this season. Seriously, do you pay attention? I'm the hopeful optimist of Buffalo! I'm the one who excused losing Danny, Chris, Jay, Soupy and pretty much every guy ever! I'm the one who said the team would be fine without all of those guys! I'm the one who'd rather meet and chat with Darcy Regier than any hockey player in the league! I'm the one who only just publicly admitted LAST WEEK that the Sabres probably weren't going to win the Stanley Cup! And I didn't even really mean it! I totally think they're still going to win it all and I won't believe they're not until the season's over!
It's true. I have one guiding thought when it comes to watching sports in general but the NHL specifically: You never know. Once the playoffs start, YOU NEVER KNOW! A goalie or top scorer that goes hot or cold changes everything. An average team that strings together a bunch of wins can go all the way, a great team that struggles can hit the skids fast. It's awesome! It's amazing! And YOU NEVER KNOW! Why give up on your team when YOU NEVER KNOW?!
I'm getting off-track a bit, but I have to say, this is what I most don't understand about Buffalo. I get that the team is less talented than the two teams that went to the Conference finals. I get that the team has been desperately and frustratingly inconsistent. I get that it's pretty hard to have any faith that they're suddenly going to right that here and now, nine games before the end of the season. I get that for some people it's a defense mechanism, kind of I'm going to break up with you before you have a chance to break my heart kind of thing. I get that between the four Super Bowl losses, the No Goal, the Music City Miracle, and random things like goals scored through the sides of nets, the instinct is to be bitter and cynical and I get wanting everyone else to feel that way too.
Except I don't! I don't get it at all! What's the point of sports if you're going to be all bitter and cynical? Why watch players who you seem to think suck and are worthy of all your hate? Why not enjoy when the team you root for does win even if it is fleeting and hard to predict? And why - WHY - must you travel all over the internet and city spreading your pessimism to everyone who clings to a shred of hope? If I wanted to wallow in cynicism and hopelessness I'd pay more attention to politics. I don't watch sports for that stuff! I watch sports for all the good stuff - watching people in awesome athletic displays that regularly blow my mind, to cheer on people who I've never met and probably never will meet and don't really care if I do meet and totally feel attached to anyway, and to hope for those guys to triumph in the face of ridiculous odds. Not only do I want to be optimistic, I want to be STUPID optimistic. Okay, let me get back on course...
Look, anonymous commenter, I have no real beef with you. I'm a little offended that you're lumping me in with the ban wagon fans of the world but I can appreciate your GO SABRES! attitude. But come on. Look at the comment again. Am I really supposed to take that seriously? For the future, here are a few guidelines for you and the anonymous commenters of the world who might wander by:
1. Spell any and all names in your comments correctly. This applies to any players but it goes double for me. Seriously, my name is all over the friggin' place and it's not exactly uncommon.
2. Punctuate. If you're not sure where the period goes, just take a guess once in a while.
3. Make a criticism that actually makes sense. If you're going to attack someone's outlook, look around you first. Read more than one entry, maybe read something from the last two months. Respond to what the person you're responding to is actually saying.
4. Man up and leave a name. Dude, if you really have to, use a fake name. It's not like I'll know. But real names are preferable. If you're say... I don't know... Tim Connolly, just fess up. Anonymous comments are lame, yo.
(I am in no way suggesting that Tim Connolly can't spell, punctuate, or read. And I'm sure he's totally above leaving lame comments on the internet. I would never say that he's not that smart. Never.)
(But okay, doesn't that second comment sound like something a drunken Connolly might leave somewhere. "Have YOU ever (hic!) played (hic!) HOCKEY BEFORE? Haaave yoooou?! 'Cause it's really, really (hic!) (swaying back and forth) REALLY HARD! (passes out)")