Dude, I've stood up for you all season long! I waded into every "Campbell and Spacek are our top pairing!" discussion, no matter where it was taking place and told people they were crazy! I argued with everyone and I never backed down! I crunched the numbers that proved you were the most valuable defenseman on the team! Okay, that was actually Meg! But I wrote them up in organized bullet point form and put them on my blog! I have banged the "Hank Rules!" drum long and loud! And how do you repay me? How?!
You score a goal while I'm out of town! Hank, I'm in ALABAMA! They don't have running water and electricity much less HOCKEY! (I'm kidding. They totally have running water and electricity. That's a myth.) You've probably noticed that you don't score that many goals. I don't mind, it's not your thing, that's fine. If you scored a lot of goals you wouldn't be my kind of player and that would be sad. But dude, when you DO score goals I want to see them! In real time! When they happen! I don't care that it was an empty netter because I love empty netters, especially ones that go pretty much the length of the ice. Oh, sure I saw the video on NHL.com. But the video doesn't include the celebration and the big smiley grin that I'm sure followed. Consider yourself lucky that Mark just emailed me to tell me that he Tivo'd the goal since he knew I would want to see it.
I'm just going to assume you got your days mixed up. When I said I was going to miss four games maybe you thought I said I would be back for the fourth game. Fortunately, I will be back for the next game. Score another goal and we'll forget this happened, okay?
P.S. Dude, I did not forget about your shootout goal but it doesn't count in the stats - which is stupid, by the way, because if the points count in the standings, the stats should count somewhere for the individuals involved - and I've publicly stated that I hate the shootout so I can't go crow about it too much. (But it was awesome. I can't believe it's not included in your highlights on NHL.com.)