Saturday, December 29, 2007

Hey, Look, Ma! A Title!


So remember what I said yesterday about enjoying Brian Campbell's candid remarks in Bucky's last column? Turns out I totally misread myself. Those comments have wormed into my brain and my mind has decided, without me even realizing it, that Soupy's a whiner. (I came to this realization last night when I found myself yelling, "Shut up, Soupy!" at all his commercials and pointing out every single tiny mistake he made on the ice.) But seriously, zip it, Soupy. Negotiations taking too long? Then lower your price and sign on the dotted line. What's that? A player shouldn't sign a stupid deal just to make everyone else happy? Yeah, well neither should a team. And if Soupy gets to add to his price tag with every goal and assist, shouldn't the Sabres be able to subtract from his price with every mistake? I'm thinking something like $1,000 for every shot that misses the net? $1,000 for every turnover? Double that if it's a turnover in the defensive zone. I think we should definitely deduct $5,000 every time Soupy forgets he's a defenseman and lets an opponent get behind him.

Okay, moving on...

Today is my 30th birthday! My mom called to chat and my brothers sang to me (a bit half-heartedly) over the phone. Mark ordered me food from Outback and also brought home a Carvel ice-cream cake. But the Sabres? They totally didn't care that it was my birthday. What was that game? If that was a preview of the Ice Bowl, I might be glad I'll be watching it from the couch in my warm apartment.

- I hate to be one of those people who yells, "Shoot the puck!" but seriously, SHOOOOOOOOOT THEEEEEEEEEE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Tough to beat even the most average goalie if you flatly refuse to put the puck on the net. Thomas Vanek! When you are IN THE SLOT, don't pass the puck!

- Every Sabre should give Ryan Miller $100 out of his next paycheck. With the exception of a couple of softies against Ottawa, he's playing his ass off. At this rate, he's going to have to score his own goals if he wants a win. It's okay for the WHOLE TEAM to play well ON THE SAME NIGHT. Really, it is.

- Can we please let Nolan Pratt play? Please?

Dear Sabres,

While tonight was my birthday, I will accept presents on New Year's Day instead. Here's what I want:
- A game filled with offense and goals. Let's have some good old-fashioned pond hockey with a final score of 10-7.
- A Henrik Tallinder goal.
- Jim Lorentz on the microphone.
- Aww, heck let's give Toni Lydman a goal too.

Love,
Heather

3 comments:

Kate said...

Oh my GOD! I totally FORGOT about Nolan Pratt! What the HELL?!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!!

I am SO with you on Soupy. Between his "stupid fucking Ice Bowl" comments and his whining about his contract, I have deemed it necessary to get out the Slag-Faced Whore brander. I am poised, ready to strike.

Again, Happy Birthday! I think the Sabres must have been so eager to please you on your birthday that they totally choked. It happens.

Meg said...

Happy Birthday, Heather!

And yeah, I'm with you on the Soupy thing.

kristin said...

1. Happy Birthday (a day late)

2. Sorry to hear about your crappy injury! Hope you're feeling better soon.

3. That picture is hilarious. Had I been drinking anything, it surely would have spurted out my nose!