Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Warning: Really Boring, Pointless Post Ahead

I'm going into survival mode here at Top Shelf. It's been a rough couple of months. With the upcoming trade deadline, the Brian Campbell drama, and the all-around unhappiness, it's probably going to get worse. Here are my survival tips for you, the Sabres fan.

1. DO NOT LISTEN TO WGR
Just don't do it. It's not worth the time or trouble. Lackawanna Lou isn't going to tell you anything you don't already know. He's either going to passionately agree with you or vehemently disagree with you and either way, it's not good for your soul. The radio hosts don't care about truth, justice, or the American way, they just want the most entertaining show they can have which means whipping everyone into a total frenzy.

2. DO NOT VISIT INTERNET MESSAGE BOARDS
All of the above applies here just minus the radio hosts. Instead you have emotional panicky fans egging each other on which is quite possibly even more dangerous. Even the good boards are crazy by now. I used to occasionally wander over to various boards to see what others were thinking but it's not worth it. I feel the way I feel, you feel the way you feel, we're not going to change each other's minds, but that's not going to stop us from trying anyway.

3. DO NOT READ THE SPORTS COLUMNS IN THE BUFFALO NEWS
They're just trying to upset you. They are, I know it! Or maybe they're just trying to upset me. Sabres Edge is safe. You can read game summaries if you must but I'd be careful of them because from there you can usually see the title of the columns and then you're only one short click away from disaster.

I do really well with the first two - I have a natural hate for sports radio already and I've mostly moved past my desire to try and convince anyone on message boards of anything especially since I often get a response along the lines of "UR JUST A GRL WHO WANTZ TO SLEEP WITH RYAN MILLER AND U PROBLY SLEEP IN A POMMMINVILLLLE JERZEE WAT DO U KNOW NEWAY!" (You have no idea how long it took me to decipher "neway." I'm clearly not up on my internet speak.) I've really slipped on number three though. There was a long stretch where I didn't touch the Buffalo News at all unless someone pointed out an article or column to me and I was pretty happy. I blame John Vogl and Mike Harrington for making me feel too safe with their excellent work on Sabres Edge. Listen, I know I get too worked up about these things. I totally do. But I can't change that about myself so I just have to avoid the issue all together. (That's very healthy, isn't it?) And really this is the one thing I dislike about Buffalo which I otherwise love and adore. Fans are nuts. Completely nuts. And even though I know how I feel about let's say Brian Campbell, if I listen to other people go crazy about it long enough, I start to... I don't know, not change my mind... but get a little paranoid that maybe I'm missing something even though I know I'm not. Which is really annoying.

I'm bored so let's talk about some non-Sabres stuff.

- I'm kind of disappointed that the Packers didn't win because I do really like Brett Favre but I'm okay with the Giants winning just because I'm sure it bothers Tiki Barber that the Giants are going to the Super Bowl a) with Eli and b) without him. Take that, Tiki! Hope you're enjoying The Today Show.

- My favorite Manning brother is Cooper. He seems really sweet and funny and appears to be pretty good-natured about health issues keeping him from pursuing football. And he's really cute. He looks like a Manning but he seems to have missed out on the dopey gene that Peyton and Eli both inherited. (Don't get me wrong, I love Peyton. I grew up smack in the middle of SEC football and I was in college at Alabama part of the time he was at Tennessee so I have a soft spot for him. But he and Eli both look like dopes even though I know they're allegedly both very smart.)

- Dude, it looked like you could've peeled Tom Couglin's face right off by the end of the Giants game.

- I've been watching the "Chicks Dig the Longball" commercial I posted a few days ago a lot because it really amuses me, but man, there is a lot of irony in that 30 second commercial. It's like Greg and Tom knew all along that Mark McGwire was jacked up on steroids and they were just waiting for the rest of us to catch up. Also, if steroids do end up taking down Roger Clemens, I think that makes Greg Maddux the best pitcher of his generation. (You can disagree, but you'll be wrong.) I grew up hating the Braves but I always had a secret affection for Maddux and John Smoltz.

- My favorite current non-NHL athlete is Lance Berkman of the Houston Astros. He's like a big, funny, sweet teddy bear who also happens to be a really, really great hitter. I just want to give him a big hug. If by any chance you've met him and he's a total jackass, please don't tell me. I want to live with my illusions.

Man, I have got to get this cast off. I'm going crazy.

9 comments:

amy said...

I kind of like reading the newspaper. Sure, Bucky puts his opinion in, but the "News" part of the paper isn't too bad.

You have no idea how long it took me to decipher "neway." I'm clearly not up on my internet speak.

I know where you're coming from. It took me forever to get "pwned"

And about football, I'd love to see the Giants win the Super Bowl. It seems like they're the ones riding the moment and having fun with it. The Patriots are acting like they're checking off items on a list. There's not a lot of joy and enthusiasm there.

Sam said...

Right-on about the Sabres. I am actually happy I don't get the Buffalo News and sadly I will occasionally listen to WGR but usually turn it off in disgust.

Did I mention that I love reading your blog? Because I do. :)

And your comment about Cooper Manning made me laugh.. and it's so true!! I have noticed the "dopey gaze"- such a fantastic term- and it bugs me! But I do enjoy the ole Louisiana drawl, because it reminds me of my fam (I'm originally from Louisiana). I don't know or care about football, but I hope Eli wins because that would be fun for him and because I think Tom Brady is disgusting.

I wish I could talk intelligently about sports other than hockey but it just doesn't happen. LOL

coolman856 said...

I forgot how much I couldn't stand Buffalo sports radio until this season. I used to tolerate it and listen to it when the Sabres were winning, but man it really gets bad when the Sabres are losing. It definately is no fun hearing the same thing over and over and over again, especially when most don't know what the hell they are talking about half the time.

Heather B. said...

Yeah, Amy, the paper is totally my hang up. I'll admit that. I'm glad you're not as immature and unhealthy about it as me :-)

Sam, thanks for the compliment! I totally agree with you on the southern drawls. I grew up Alabama so I really love hearing that once in a while. I could listen to Troy Aikman do games all day because he has that Texas drawl and it's part of the reason I like Brett Favre too.

Matt said...

My favorite Manning brother is Cooper.

My favorite part is that if you ask their parents who's the best quarterback, they always always always say Cooper. That's just cool and a little bit classy. Too bad he messed up his knee... he was great.

RJ said...

Dinner parties must suck for Coop. On Sunday he went from being "Peyton's brother" to "Peyton and Elisha's brother." Bummer.

Sometimes I'll accidentally leave my car radio on 550 after a Sabres game. The next morning I'm somehow unable to turn the station until I hear something that bothers me enough to remember why I don't listen to sports talk radio.

It usually takes less than 10 seconds.

Becky said...

Just google internet speak - the translation will come right up.

My most irrelevant thought while watching football over the weekend was that Eli gets blotchy in frigid weather.

I don't really blame the radio hosts for saying out loud every lame, ignorant thought that crosses their minds. It's in their job description. I blame the idiots that call in and talk like a**holes for free.

Anonymous said...

Matt... do your homework before you make a post with incorrect information. Cooper Manning didn't stop playing football. He stopped because he has a potentially life threatening condition that he underwent surgery for in 93 which resulted in hours of physical therapy just so he could learn to walk again.

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