Sunday, January 20, 2008

I Hate the Sabres, Part 3

I hate the Sabres.

I hate all of them but here are the specifics:

I hate Thomas Vanek for signing a ridiculous contract that he was clearly mentally and emotionally not ready to handle.

I hate Derek Roy for busting ass one night and looking totally disinterested the next.

I hate Ryan Miller for not being great when his team really needs him to be.

I hate Brian Campbell for spinoramo-ing right in front of his net, convincing Buffalo that he's insanely valuable, drifting toward the shooter instead of cutting off the pass, backing into his goalie, and making every thought about his contract negotiations public.

I hate Tim Connolly for dipsy-doodling until he's out of room to shoot or pass, insisting that yes, he can stickhandle through an entire team, refusing to wear a visor, actually saying aloud that sometimes visors make injuries worse, and spending as much time in bars as he does on IR. Which is a lot in case you're not paying attention.

I hate Andrew Peters for taking up room on the roster, repeatedly taking stupid penalties, and circling round and round instead of just throwing a friggin' punch already.

I hate Toni Lydman and Henrik Tallinder for being so inconsistent that people actually started talking about Soupy and Spacek being the number one defensive pairing. (I don't really hate either of these guys.)

I also don't hate Jochen Hecht, Paul Gaustad, Adam Mair, Nolan Pratt, or Daniel Paille.

I do hate Jaroslav Spacek but only for getting hurt. Otherwise we're cool.

I do kind of sort of hate Jason Pominiville for whiffing on every single one-timer in the last year. (That seems harsh. Maybe strongly dislike?)

I hate Ales Kotalik for being so inconsistent that it makes my head spin and for continuing to shoot slapshot after slapshot after slapshot even though the defender has caught on and is standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

I hate Darcy Regier for calling stupid press conferences that don't do anything but stir crap up. Good grief, don't pander to the crazies, Darcy. You really should know better. I'm gonna go ahead and hate Darcy in advance for not trading Soupy before the deadline.

I hate Larry Quinn for being a jackass. I also hate him for seeming to enjoy being a jackass. Geez, what a jackass!

I hate Lindy Ruff for starting the season off in a negative manner, benching Daniel Paille that one time, repeatedly scratching Nolan Pratt, continuing to foist Andrew Peters on the good people of Buffalo, and going all soft and cuddly on a team that clearly needs a boot shoved up its collective ass. They're not babies, Lindy.

I hate the Sabres for consistently playing hard for 20 minutes or less even though you and I have both noticed that IT DOESN'T WORK! I also hate them for pointing out after EVERY SINGLE GAME that they only skated for the last half of the game, saying all the right things about changing that, and then... NOT CHANGING THAT!

I hate the Sabres for all of the following statements: The effort was there, We didn't get the bounces, and Most nights if we play like that, we have a chance to win. Shut up! You sucked! We just watched the game and you sucked! JUST SAY YOU SUCKED!

I hate the Sabres for completely wasting the talent they have. You didn't score 10 goals by accident, guys. You are perfectly capable of playing hockey.

I hate the Sabres for proving all the naysayers right. Everyone said you'd be nothing without Chris and Danny and I can't believe you're proving them right. That is so disappointing. Maybe the most disappointing.

I hate the Sabres for the fact that I'm going to have to spend all summer listening to Bucky Gleason crow about being right. That is not a world I want to live in. The chance of that happening should be enough by itself to make you play hard. Geez louise.

I don't hate Mark at all, but I am kind of wishing he'd grown up in Detroit or Ottawa.

In closing, I hate the Sabres.

10 comments:

Becky said...

Bravo!

I hate Max for threading his way through every adversary only to lose the puck when he should be shooting.

I hate no other linemate getting down the ice with Max so he can pass it off.

I hate Max's groin.

I hate Miller for continuing to stay at the top of the crease despite numerous goals shot right around him.

I hate passes made by all of them right in to the opposing team player standing right in front of them.

I hate the fact that Winless-Ville was evacuated with authority, and now seems to have an open door policy.

Mags said...

Heather, I am so, so, so sorry.

That's.... a lot of hate.

amy said...

I hate that Ryan Miller's five hole has been more open than a puckbunny's lately.

I hate that Mike Ryan has blood on his eyes and is going to be out for the next while.

I hate that Lindy benched Vanek in the third period and is playing coy about it with the press.

I'm happy (that's not a verboten word around here today, is it?) that Adam Mair got to play on the top line last night, and looked pretty good out there with Staffy and Roy.

Becky said...

I'm happy that Paille has been playing so well.

I'm happy that Pratt plays with attitude, confused that he's spent so much time merely watching. Attitude isn't the team style?

I too am happy to see Adam Mair get more playing time.

Katebits said...

Clapclapclaclapclaclapclapclapclap!

I am DISTURBED that Vanek was benched in the third, because that was the only time they looked even remotely interested in winning the game.

I am happy that he got benched though.

Sigh.

Heather B. said...

I don't know how I feel about you guys getting positive halfway through but since I was incapable of hating EVERYONE, I'll let it slide. This time!

Becky, I totally forgot about Max but yeah, I hate him for the awesome displays that lead to nothing.

Amy, I totally agree about Lindy. I love Lindy for benching Vanek, I hate Lindy for not just saying, "He wasn't playing well." We have eyeballs, Lindy.

Pookie said...

Heather, this is a great post. I'm so sorry you had to write it, but that bit about hating the Sabres for proving the naysayers right is just killer. I wish there was some way you could nail this to the dressing room door.

Grumps said...

To win 10-1 one night and then lose 4-2 and 6-2 is deeper than not having the talent. That's a coaching problem. I love Lindy and what he's done but it's time for a change.

CKim said...

So I'm sure you know they read this post on The Hockey Chicks podcast and I thought it was HILARIOUS because I was listening to it on my ipod on the way to work and was just like, "whaaaat???" haha

Anonymous said...

You guys all suck for jumping on the ban wagon shut up i hate him i hate that shut up already have you ever been in the nhl[tougher than it looks]So you dont know what its like GO BUFFALO